Giving and taking

I think a lot about entropy, the universe's tendency towards chaos.  The cod example is a vase breaking.  From the moment it is broken, it will never again be whole.  That is entropy.  I have long accepted my own mortality and the inevitable, yet welcome day of my death, but I do not wish such a fate on the universe itself.  Perhaps it is selfish, perhaps it is selfless.  Either way, the current projection is that entropy will slowly pull the universe apart until all heat is lost to the void.  According to this projection, matter will spread further and further apart.  There will be a time before the end when all matter in the universe is intact only in black holes.  Eventually, the universe will expand to the point that the entire universe will drop to 0 Kelvin.  This is death.  No more heat, no more life, no more movement, anywhere in the entire universe.  

I defy this future.  I have but one body and there exist no words to describe how absurdly small I am, but I defy this future with every ounce of my being.  I wish to reach out and grasp, giving out everything I can in the hopes that two will become one again.  That this shard of a vase I call "me" may become a whole vase once more.  Futility to the n'th degree, of that I am aware, yet it is all I can hope for in my short life.

So I reach out, and in reaching out, I give bits of my heart.  Sometimes I feel like a sprinkler just throwing bits of myself around as I desperately seek oneness.  This image worries me.  Is this not exactly what I did not want?  Is this image not entropic?  I thought so at first, but not anymore.  For giving is not about giving a piece of yourself to another.  Giving, I found, is something that is as much about the giver as it is the receiver.  In accepting that I am seeking something, I have learned to be grateful while giving.  I realize that without the receiver, I would not be able to give and giving feels great.  So I feel grateful that there is one who will accept my gift and make me feel whole.

If it is more apt to be grateful while giving, then logic would dictate we be humble while receiving.  For so much of my life I have seen this as the opposite.  I have observed the receiver to be grateful and the giver to be humble.  Close your eyes, open your heart, observe with me now the giver being grateful that she may help and the receiver being humbled that she may now make good with this gift.  

All may yet become one again, my dear readers.  I may be immeasurably small.  Hell, the whole human race is equally small on the scale of our universe, yet if we are but one solitary drop in this ocean of a universe, then I guess we have to get bigger and make more friends if we want our tide to sweep up and impregnate the universe with the desire to live forever.