The beautiful ones fall in love with
And are consumed in their reflection.
But if something is wrong
--Something Beautiful in its own right--
No mirror grips
And solitude seeks outward
These damaged ones looking outward find perfection without
In the realization that the universe is the mirror of the beauty within.
Therefore, my flawed friends,
Do not despair for the disparities of life
For each one opens
You
To the truth
Of our similarities
To the truth
Of our connectedness
To the truth
Of our collective beauty
To the truth
That we are friends
To the truth
That we are
One
----
This poem is kinda dedicated to the idea that imperfections and the hatred of the person in the mirror is often the catalyst for seeking outwardly and discovering compassion. I would go so far as to say that the lack of pain impairs the capacity for compassion.
But this brings up some startling questions. If life needs drama to reconnect to the source from which it emerged, then the dark is always required, yin and yang constantly circling around each other... Unable to eliminate each other.
2013/03/31
2013/03/30
brain eating dream
So in this dream, it was common practice for people to go around and switch brains with each other. Everyone kind of had a resonant frequency in their hearts that with the right brain they could "bend" an element ala Avatar.
However, a small faction had discovered the ability to simply STEAL these aspects, destroying the other person in the process. They grew in power and destroyed many people. But it took quite a while to find the pieces that would fit together to form these perfect brains that were masters of all elements. It also took many, many failures-- each failure a life ruined. A peculiar set of things began to happen once all four elements began to align in specific individuals.
Once all four elements were in line, in my dream the whole color of the world changed for these individuals. Things in the world could also be slightly different-- tea instead of coffee, male instead of female, brown instead of green.
For every one person in this crazy cult, another person suddenly rose in consciousness. Balance, or something. I didn't understand at the time. It was kind of Heroes-style, where the cult would steal the brains and the enlightened would simply empathize with it and use that power.
So I was an enlightened individual and things were crazy. Once at that level, there were four new pieces to achieve from the brains of enlightened individuals. So the process started over again. Always this search from those cultists on top to find these individuals who had the emotional centers they needed to steal (of whom I was now one of). I uprooted my life and began running. No, not running, searching. Searching for others to resonate with and grow. Searching for others not so I could ascend, but just because I enjoyed it.
After finding all eight, we ascended yet again. The strangest had yet to come. The pieces formed a map. Myself and the cult leader ascended together. Together forming the top and bottom, the black and white, the simultaneous root and branch of this map of balanced nodes. This map was formed in such a way that I realized we never COULD find each other. He was always searching for me and I was always eluding him. Not by my skill but simply because the universe would not allow it.
This is the map of the pieces of the brain we were seeking in our own ways. I ended up being the top, the crown chakra, the ether, the mysterious aqueous solar body, the other. He ended up being the Earth, embodiment of all the elements, the raw power of the solar system without the guidance, primal in nature, destructive and creative.
While he rotted in his frustration, I began to meditate. I realized that was just the way it was going to be. The Earth, frustrated and always seeking, and me unable to be grasped, moving fluidly like water naturally in response to his movements. I stopped worrying and breathed deeply. I awoke from my dream.
However, a small faction had discovered the ability to simply STEAL these aspects, destroying the other person in the process. They grew in power and destroyed many people. But it took quite a while to find the pieces that would fit together to form these perfect brains that were masters of all elements. It also took many, many failures-- each failure a life ruined. A peculiar set of things began to happen once all four elements began to align in specific individuals.
Once all four elements were in line, in my dream the whole color of the world changed for these individuals. Things in the world could also be slightly different-- tea instead of coffee, male instead of female, brown instead of green.
For every one person in this crazy cult, another person suddenly rose in consciousness. Balance, or something. I didn't understand at the time. It was kind of Heroes-style, where the cult would steal the brains and the enlightened would simply empathize with it and use that power.
So I was an enlightened individual and things were crazy. Once at that level, there were four new pieces to achieve from the brains of enlightened individuals. So the process started over again. Always this search from those cultists on top to find these individuals who had the emotional centers they needed to steal (of whom I was now one of). I uprooted my life and began running. No, not running, searching. Searching for others to resonate with and grow. Searching for others not so I could ascend, but just because I enjoyed it.
After finding all eight, we ascended yet again. The strangest had yet to come. The pieces formed a map. Myself and the cult leader ascended together. Together forming the top and bottom, the black and white, the simultaneous root and branch of this map of balanced nodes. This map was formed in such a way that I realized we never COULD find each other. He was always searching for me and I was always eluding him. Not by my skill but simply because the universe would not allow it.
This is the map of the pieces of the brain we were seeking in our own ways. I ended up being the top, the crown chakra, the ether, the mysterious aqueous solar body, the other. He ended up being the Earth, embodiment of all the elements, the raw power of the solar system without the guidance, primal in nature, destructive and creative.
While he rotted in his frustration, I began to meditate. I realized that was just the way it was going to be. The Earth, frustrated and always seeking, and me unable to be grasped, moving fluidly like water naturally in response to his movements. I stopped worrying and breathed deeply. I awoke from my dream.
2013/03/28
mrow~
Today I carried a box of boxes with another box of boxes barely balanced on top of the boxes in the box of boxes I was hardly holding by holes I punched into the bottom of the box of boxes that held up the box of boxes that I carried.
Most people would not take the time to write about that, but my heart is open.
Most people would not take the time to write about that, but my heart is open.
2013/03/27
Genetic Memory vs Cultural Teachings
So I was sitting there at work talking to a coworker.
People were thinking about trying resurrect mammoths. You know, the big, fuzzy-elephant-like creatures that used to roam the Siberian wastes. Of course, they weren't all that waste-like back in the day. The mammoth appetites and mammoth poops (forgive the mental image conjured by "mammoth" being the adjective that shares this creature's apt name) helped make the Siberian plains hospitable as well as the whole ecosystem that surrounded the species. The bugs that fed on the dead, the plants that nourished them on the waste of the bugs, the whole world that was allowed with the fertile soil leading all the way back to the mammoth eating it. Good enough reason to try to resurrect them I guess.
But then it kinda hits you. What ABOUT all that other stuff. First off, it'd take a long time to recover that ecosystem even with the mammoths stomping and pooping the ground back into happy shape. But second off, who would teach the mammoths how to be mammoths? Is there some kind of genetic memory? Would a mammoth wake up and be like, yeah, I should go eat some of -- uhh-- that stuff looks good? Surely some of us will believe that mammoths might be like, yeah, that mammoth bitch is super mondo, I'm gonna go tap that mamma and make oxymoronic miniature mammoths which will soon be all over youtube. But my point is I am not quite sure.
Where does mysterious genetic memory end and cultural memory begin?
It's the place just past the boundary of reality. It's the place where you look around and are simultaneously sucked inward because of how terrifyingly alien it feels and pulled outward, connecting to everything via sheer and unstoppable deja vu.
It's a place I've been chilling in all day. That place so alien-- yet so staunchly familiar in ways I can't put my finger on. I feel... I feel like I've got these large portions of that inherent human nature simply missing from my heart. I sometimes feel like a mammoth walking among elephants if that makes any sense. Similar, but ... just not the same.
But whatevs~ I'll just go talk to people on the internet for now. Peace.
People were thinking about trying resurrect mammoths. You know, the big, fuzzy-elephant-like creatures that used to roam the Siberian wastes. Of course, they weren't all that waste-like back in the day. The mammoth appetites and mammoth poops (forgive the mental image conjured by "mammoth" being the adjective that shares this creature's apt name) helped make the Siberian plains hospitable as well as the whole ecosystem that surrounded the species. The bugs that fed on the dead, the plants that nourished them on the waste of the bugs, the whole world that was allowed with the fertile soil leading all the way back to the mammoth eating it. Good enough reason to try to resurrect them I guess.
But then it kinda hits you. What ABOUT all that other stuff. First off, it'd take a long time to recover that ecosystem even with the mammoths stomping and pooping the ground back into happy shape. But second off, who would teach the mammoths how to be mammoths? Is there some kind of genetic memory? Would a mammoth wake up and be like, yeah, I should go eat some of -- uhh-- that stuff looks good? Surely some of us will believe that mammoths might be like, yeah, that mammoth bitch is super mondo, I'm gonna go tap that mamma and make oxymoronic miniature mammoths which will soon be all over youtube. But my point is I am not quite sure.
Where does mysterious genetic memory end and cultural memory begin?
It's the place just past the boundary of reality. It's the place where you look around and are simultaneously sucked inward because of how terrifyingly alien it feels and pulled outward, connecting to everything via sheer and unstoppable deja vu.
It's a place I've been chilling in all day. That place so alien-- yet so staunchly familiar in ways I can't put my finger on. I feel... I feel like I've got these large portions of that inherent human nature simply missing from my heart. I sometimes feel like a mammoth walking among elephants if that makes any sense. Similar, but ... just not the same.
But whatevs~ I'll just go talk to people on the internet for now. Peace.
2013/03/25
Poof
Been listening to many parables from olden times. Many involve the Buddha or other spiritually enlightened figures helping people. One interesting coincidence I stumbled upon in my studies is that these figures just kind of SHOW UP, often just feeling like visiting that person or being drawn by the world to go there. After arriving, they do their thing and are gone in a metaphorical ninja smoke bomb well before the gravity of the lesson has sunk in.
I think that's adorable.
Writing
I was asked today if a story is of any worth without an audience?
My answer is yes.
The person wasn't happy.
My answer is yes.
The person wasn't happy.
2013/03/19
Weird day
Ok, I thought my dream was really weird last night... I was NOT ready for today.
So I went to work. Our owner randomly decided to do 20% off on online orders and sent an email to every one of our customers who use our perkville system and then disappeared for the day. Soooooo we got a lot of online orders. So many orders that we ran out of rice. We ran out of quinoa. We ran out of tortillas for burritos and wraps. We even ran out of one of our soups. One of my customers at one point said, "oh my gosh, ashley, only WE would have an adventure like this." It stuck with me. We closed like 30 minutes early. So basically, that was nuts but no problem. Not even weird.
Weird was on the way.
I went out and one of my coworkers was like, hey lets go have a smoke and eat at this burger joint. Ok. They have veggie burgers, lets go. We stop in the park and are having a smoke. Some dirty fellow comes up to us and says, "excuse me, excuse me, do you have a moment?" Always. "See I'm selling DVDs for a dollar fifty each. I recently found a little Boom Box CD player in the garbage and it runs on D batteries, so I'm saving up for batteries. I wanna listen to rock and roooooll. We scope it out and there is a DVD that Yari had wanted to see for ages, so she bought it and gave him 3 dollars. They kept exchanging back and forth with these quips that just blew my world. At one point he gave her something and she was like I can't just take that from you and he gave her a penny and said, "You can, but here: a penny for your thoughts." The conversation was long and hilarious and involved much banter that... made me think he was like the mysterious peddler from Aladdin-- recounting miraculous tales of his imprisonment and eventual release from the lamp. Because obviously the peddler IS the genie just years later trolling and/or helping people. How ELSE would he know the story AND be the owner of the lamp. Genie was the last person to carry it. Ok, I'll stop talkin' about crazy theories now. Back to story. Yari turns to me and says, "did that really just happen? Only WE would have an adventure like this."
I went to the pier to drop off a resume.
The place was awesome. They want a jack of all trades. Tips look incredible. It felt strange to be in the tourist central, but not be a tourist. Only
I went to get on the train, I look up from my thoughts and catch the eye of a girl about my age.
A tour bus stops by and says, "get on, the F is down." Oh ok. The asian man driving makes a quip about asians and/or a terrible joke every 3 seconds over intercom and plays crazy songs like "we built this city on rock and roll" or "ganman style". A girl sits next to me, I recognize her eyes from earlier. Her friend sits on her lap and comments, "we WOULD have this adventure together." After all of today, I just couldn't get over this silliness. I started to wonder if I was just hallucinating the whole thing-- if my whole day was actually just uneventful and I just made it up. Then I began to wonder: what if every day was like this? Would that require normal days? Or could every day just be crazy?
Ok yeah, that was pretty much my day. The homeless guy I usually feed with leftovers was gone, so I gave it to his cat and she sat on it, probably thinking, "what a new and adventurous place to sit. I fit .: I sit." But that was all within the realms of normal for me. But what is normal anyway.
So I went to work. Our owner randomly decided to do 20% off on online orders and sent an email to every one of our customers who use our perkville system and then disappeared for the day. Soooooo we got a lot of online orders. So many orders that we ran out of rice. We ran out of quinoa. We ran out of tortillas for burritos and wraps. We even ran out of one of our soups. One of my customers at one point said, "oh my gosh, ashley, only WE would have an adventure like this." It stuck with me. We closed like 30 minutes early. So basically, that was nuts but no problem. Not even weird.
Weird was on the way.
I went out and one of my coworkers was like, hey lets go have a smoke and eat at this burger joint. Ok. They have veggie burgers, lets go. We stop in the park and are having a smoke. Some dirty fellow comes up to us and says, "excuse me, excuse me, do you have a moment?" Always. "See I'm selling DVDs for a dollar fifty each. I recently found a little Boom Box CD player in the garbage and it runs on D batteries, so I'm saving up for batteries. I wanna listen to rock and roooooll. We scope it out and there is a DVD that Yari had wanted to see for ages, so she bought it and gave him 3 dollars. They kept exchanging back and forth with these quips that just blew my world. At one point he gave her something and she was like I can't just take that from you and he gave her a penny and said, "You can, but here: a penny for your thoughts." The conversation was long and hilarious and involved much banter that... made me think he was like the mysterious peddler from Aladdin-- recounting miraculous tales of his imprisonment and eventual release from the lamp. Because obviously the peddler IS the genie just years later trolling and/or helping people. How ELSE would he know the story AND be the owner of the lamp. Genie was the last person to carry it. Ok, I'll stop talkin' about crazy theories now. Back to story. Yari turns to me and says, "did that really just happen? Only WE would have an adventure like this."
I went to the pier to drop off a resume.
The place was awesome. They want a jack of all trades. Tips look incredible. It felt strange to be in the tourist central, but not be a tourist. Only
I went to get on the train, I look up from my thoughts and catch the eye of a girl about my age.
A tour bus stops by and says, "get on, the F is down." Oh ok. The asian man driving makes a quip about asians and/or a terrible joke every 3 seconds over intercom and plays crazy songs like "we built this city on rock and roll" or "ganman style". A girl sits next to me, I recognize her eyes from earlier. Her friend sits on her lap and comments, "we WOULD have this adventure together." After all of today, I just couldn't get over this silliness. I started to wonder if I was just hallucinating the whole thing-- if my whole day was actually just uneventful and I just made it up. Then I began to wonder: what if every day was like this? Would that require normal days? Or could every day just be crazy?
Ok yeah, that was pretty much my day. The homeless guy I usually feed with leftovers was gone, so I gave it to his cat and she sat on it, probably thinking, "what a new and adventurous place to sit. I fit .: I sit." But that was all within the realms of normal for me. But what is normal anyway.
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