Avatar state

I had a dream recently that was awesome.  This dream started off more like a meditation.  I found myself in a calm, blanketing canvas of mystically deep waters.  I gained a moment of lucidity and invited a friend.  Adara showed up and I asked her to teach me how to firebend a la the show Avatar.  I proceeded to lose lucidity at this point, but what I partook in was the bending equivalent of a philosophical jam session.  

I'll continue in first person now to get deeper into that moment.

Adara showed me first: "it feels like this."  Her thumb on my head shares with me a moment from her past.  The fire that ignites in my hand feels like pure creation.  It is like holding an entire army of Celtic fiddlers all pouring their souls into an astonishing piece about life's perfection.  It is like coming up with an idea that will change the world.  It is like being pregnant with the universe.  My heart overflows into movement and every flicker of action is creative and full of pure life force.  Wherever I move, the burning passion of life in its prime wreathes me as I go.  I swathe fractals in flame limited only by the life in the infinite being of all existing within my heart.  I believe in my strength when I firebend because in doing so, I am life itself-- my breath is steady and my fire can warm, soothe, dazzle, or protect all the beauty this universe has to offer.

"It feels totally different from my native element, water."  I raise my palm in yang to show her.  To bend water, one's mind must be at the bottom of the ocean; dark, but constantly moving, the source of all nourishment, yet so easily tugged around by the moon and by man.  I become infinitely humble as to never be broken.  A double helix of water rises as my arm paints upwards.  Now arisen, I slide humbly and exhale out.  Water humbly follows with all the strength of the tide.  This tidal force envelops all that my communicating and healing waters touch, wholly and completely.  I am in perfect communion with the one truth that all things share.  I believe in my strength when I waterbend because my depths are unfathomable-- I can contain within me any anger thrown at me and unleash a calming deluge in response, exactly proportionate to the situation.

"Now, Adara.  Where in water and fire, one communes with a force of the universe beyond them, air is entirely and completely different.  Air is purely movements of the self."  With a movement of my hand across my body as I lower my presence, a vacuum opens and the wind pours in to fill the void created by my movement.  Slowly, at first, but as my gestures become more bold, mighty oaks may fall to the movements of my soul.  With air in mind, there is action and reaction, movement and the fury of the storm that follows.  I must be careful, but I have nothing to fear, for my gentle hand touches all.  I believe in my strength when I Airbend because I know do not have to change anyone-- I need but change myself, the world will align by causality.

"As with fire and then water, it is wind and then earth."  Earth bending feels surprisingly weak of power in my physical form.  It is an allegiance and a bond with the earth that respects the fragility of me, but when fully realized, my strength is infinite because it is the entire earth moving to aid me.  Each pebble believes in me so much that I need but point and the earth itself flocks to experience what I believe is there.  I am a YouTube celebrity.  I am but a piece of clay on this earth, yet others believe in me.  I need but move my arms up defensively and this world bends its entire might to shelter me from harm, for I am important.  I believe in my strength when I Earthbend, but only because I know that I am but a pebble with a voice to inspire.

"To envision the avatar state, I must inform you of what it is like without."  When I waterbend, my entire being was water.  My focus is so heavily on the connection and the unfathomable depths that my mind cannot experience the exact opposite of the infinite high of conducting a symphony of fire at the same time!  To do both at once is surely impossible.  To bend more than one element at once is to feel multiple experiences at once.  It is to experience multiple lives, all lives even, and pull out of that sea the movements that rewrite fate itself.  To fly away backwards on a cloud while flinging boulders, one has to be both completely focused on moving the self while needing those movements to inspire the earth itself to leap to action.  To slam my fist into the ground and encase my target in electrified water, I must fill the unfillable depths of my soul with the intensity of the fire I hold in my heart.  Each combination is unique and each feels more like I am looking at myself from the void of time than it does feeling and moving and acting like each element individually.  All four elements at once, like the caging of Vaatu, is a feeling of such intense unification, I have a hard time describing it.  In bending all four at once, I become the world I bend.  It is no longer me bending my surroundings, it is my surroundings bending to make way for my will on this earth.

...

Ok, I hope you enjoy.  I feel like an ABSOLUTE nerd at this point and feel like I should go hide in a corner forever.  kthxbai

A new take on an old story? Or an old story that had a new take?

Everyone remember that tale about the Tortoise and the Hare?

I won't waste much time reviewing the tale, but basically the Hare is incredibly fast and somehow the Tortoise, who is very slow, gets challenged to a race and accepts and the hare is so confident that he hops like 5 meters and gets tired from going so fast then takes a nap or some shit and the Tortoise who is slow and steady wins the race.

I hated that fucking story.  Sorry for swearing.  It never made any sense.  One, why would the Tortoise accept the race?  Two, the hare is faster; why wouldn't it win?

Part of me says that these are the tropes we teach our kids because they are just good kid stories.  They aren't.  Kids are brilliant in ways we just aren't brilliant in anymore.  If we understood that, we'd tell many different stories.  I'd tell the Tortoise and the Hare story like this:



Once upon a time, there was a very confident Hare.  She was so fast that she could outrun the sun and always have the sun on her back if she wanted.  Her speed was legendary and everyone knew how fast she was.  Everyone including the great green Tortoise.  Now the Tortoise is an incredibly slow creature.  Even under water where he is fastest, the Tortoise swims very slowly, but always has a nice big smile on his face.

One day the Tortoise waits for the Hare to hop by and stops her and says, "Hare, I would like to challenge you to a race."
The Hare laughs out loud, "Tortoise, my speed is legendary, I can outrun the sun, I can go all the way to Paris and back in a single afternoon.  What possible challenge can you pose?"
"I may be slow, but I can go all the way to America.  Can you run there?"
"No, but we are talking a race of speed, not a race I cannot finish.  I won't let you cheat me, oh slow one."
"I challenge you to a race to our respective homes.  I assume you can find yours from here?"
The Hare is stunned, "Of course I can.  It is in a tree in London not far from here, but why would I race you when I KNOW I will win.  You are a sea creature and I must assume your home is in the Ocean which is even further away from here than my house is.  Since I am so much faster than you, I am assured to win!  Why waste my time?"
"I will wager my 150 year life span.  If you win this race, it will be yours."
The Hare cannot believe her long ears!  She may be fast, but she only has a few years to take in the glory of the world around her, so she goes fast to see everything she can.  "And what if YOU win."
"Oh, it is no big deal, if I win I guess you'll forever be in stories as the fastest Hare that lost to the slowest Tortoise."
"No, Tortoise, I will go down in history as the oldest AND the fastest Hare in the world.  I accept."
Crowds of creatures from far and wide gather.  Birds fly screeching overhead.  Mortal enemies like Apes and Tigers sit next to each other to watch the race.  They yell in unison, "3. 2. 1. GOOOO!"
The Hare darts as fast as her legs can take her.  She could outrun the sun twice over at this rate.  She's running, running, running, and suddenly a Hawk swoops down in front of her.  "Hare, you have lost the race. I shall lead you back to the Tortoise, follow me."
"Impossible."  She cries.  "There is no way he won unless he cheated!"
"Come see for yourself."  The Hawk flies majestically back in the direction of the start of the race.  The Hare follows.
She arrives to see the Tortoise sleeping in his shell exactly where she left him.  "Is this some kind of JOKE?"
The animals all yell together, "See he sleeps!  See how content he is!  He is home!"
The Hare cries out, ashamed in her obvious loss, "No!  I can nap anywhere I like!"
The Hawk lands and squawks, "You lie!  You are only able to sleep when in your home beneath the tree."
The Ape pounds his chest and adds, "You are too paranoid and in a hurry to get anywhere and cannot even sit to enjoy the wonders of Paris.  You are too focused on making your time to there and back as fast as possible to enjoy it."
The Tiger growls, "I can run very fast too, but at least I pause to give myself a bath once in a while."
The Tortoise finally wakes with a yawn, "My friends, please that is enough," he says as he walks over to the Hare and gives her a hug, "can't you see that you hurt her feelings?  She can only sleep beneath her tree because she has no shell like me.  She is paranoid because she is very small and very fragile.  She is focused on making her time because that is how she survives."
A tear streams down the Hare's face, "Then why DID you race me?"
The Tortoise replies with the same smile he always has, "Because it is something I had never done and wanted to try.  Maybe one day you can sit on my back and I can take you and your family to America."
The Hare smiles through her tears.  "OK.  I'd like that."



In other news, my dreams made no sense last night.  They were DRENCHED with emotion, yet their plots made no sense.

In one, I was a dog and I was trying to help a girl who reminded me of Terra from Final Fantasy running away from Sephiroth (I assume because he was casting Meteors on her as she ran).  I would warn her by running near her and nudging her away from where the meteors would land.  I could have easily ran away as I was much faster, but I stayed and helped her slow human body escape.  Near the bottom of the mountain, he lands and I just lose all sense of self-preservation and tackle him and start biting as hard as I can.  In a last attempt to keep her alive, I explode brighter than a star.  My body no longer exists, but I still feel my shape.  I close my eyes and fall backwards. My only thoughts are on her safety and how I wish I could have done more.  I don't hit the ground, I fall and fall and fall and begin to spiral in towards the center of the Earth.  I feel source and know everything will be alright.  I see her for just a moment as she arrives safely at a safe house.

In another, ... yeah, no I'm not even going to try going into detail.  It involved a little girl who could bend reality and at the end of the dream everyone tried to convince me it was all a lie.  But it couldn't have been.  I dunno.

Anyway, peace all.

Gas station dream

I had a dream about working for a very specific gas station.  This same gas station has now showed up in three if my dreams lately.  

After my latest dream ja vu, I am convinced this is a real place.  However, it is not a place I have yet been to... Probably.  The gas station has two buildings and a third larger car wash.  It is on a slanted plane on the corner of the road.  It is flanked by an elevated ledge with trees and other fauna behind it.  The top building is where the transactions take place.  Basic foods and supplies live there.  The bathroom and I assume a garage (haunted in a previous dream) are in the other building. The third is a carport of some kind.  I assume a car wash, but in truth I am not totally certain.  

This dream...  I really don't remember much of import really happening, but I am certain now of the whole environment and how each piece fits together not only in physicality, but also in my heart.  Why I had this dream remains a mystery.  

Dream ja vu

Occasionally I get dream ja vu. It is a sensation I get when I am out in the world and I see a landmark that was in a dream of mine.

This morning it was a building that I had a dream of years ago. In the dream, I was tentatively spider manning on the side of it, but the building itself was clear enough to me that when I saw this building I just knew it was the same one. The sudden rush of all the memories from the dream flooding my mind was so ferocious that I had to stop walking.

That sensation of recovering lost memories by experiencing something from one world that corresponds with the other... That is dream ja vu. Does anyone else get that?

...

In other news, a day later and my baby cashier is out on her own and doing fine at the other location. Makes me proud :') hehe.

School nightmares

Another nightmare about school. I was not teaching, I was subbing or something. So I was much more laid back. I was talking to my students about how much the grading system sucks, but praising where it came from. They agreed like most pubescents about the ills, but I was beginning to open some eyes with the goods and transitioning into how to transform things constantly in order to keep up with the world.

Weird events in the school were occurring due to water I think. The principal came in and asked if he could interrupt to talk about "that event with the note" I had no idea what he was talking about but I could smell trouble and was terrified.

Apparently, a student had taken a note I had written about going to get an apple and changed parts of it into something bad and posted it on my website. I argued that I have not updated my website in months as per our agreement. He still pursued.

This student was also causing the massive electrical and water leaks in the building. And now I had no idea where he was now that an alarm was about to go off. Huge bad juju as he was my responsibility if the worst were to happen.

I felt awful. I felt like I had failed my students. This feeling haunts me. Ever since deciding to leave, I constantly wonder and worry what if. Would their lives be better if I had stayed? Did I not make a promise to give myself to others? How am I living up to that promise by doing what I am now? These fears are what scare me now. I had long forgotten what fear meant, but now I remember. Death nor the fear of mortal injury make me afraid. It is the idea of failing at my purpose-- that makes me afraid.

But is not the fear of death linked to failure? No. I have done what I have wished to do in this life. There are many things I still wish to teach, many actually involving my route to death. For instance, I would die before using a gun to kill another. Even to save another 100. This foolery will lead directly to my death, but a small message remains. I did what is right. Now and forever. Likewise with my whole life. I am doing what is right and have made the world a better place while living. What more is there to do? I am infertile, no one depends on me, I won't be letting anyone down, I won't have any regrets. I will die happy.

But failing at my mission. That creates regret. That regret becomes fear. That fear becomes anger. That anger becomes hatred. And as we all know, hatred is the path to the dark side. Not my cup of tea, thank you.

But it was a dream. I have not let them down. I know this because I am still with many of them. In many ways more than I ever was. Certainly aided by being a happier and more internally just person as a result of leaving. I can be honest with them instead of being their teacher who can't say certain things.

So where did this fear come from?

Probably the chocolate caramel bar I ate before bed. Mmmmmmm.

brain eating dream

So in this dream, it was common practice for people to go around and switch brains with each other.  Everyone kind of had a resonant frequency in their hearts that with the right brain they could "bend" an element ala Avatar.

However, a small faction had discovered the ability to simply STEAL these aspects, destroying the other person in the process.  They grew in power and destroyed many people.  But it took quite a while to find the pieces that would fit together to form these perfect brains that were masters of all elements.  It also took many, many failures-- each failure a life ruined.  A peculiar set of things began to happen once all four elements began to align in specific individuals.

Once all four elements were in line, in my dream the whole color of the world changed for these individuals.  Things in the world could also be slightly different-- tea instead of coffee, male instead of female, brown instead of green.

For every one person in this crazy cult, another person suddenly rose in consciousness.  Balance, or something.  I didn't understand at the time.  It was kind of Heroes-style, where the cult would steal the brains and the enlightened would simply empathize with it and use that power.

So I was an enlightened individual and things were crazy.  Once at that level, there were four new pieces to achieve from the brains of enlightened individuals.  So the process started over again.  Always this search from those cultists on top to find these individuals who had the emotional centers they needed to steal (of whom I was now one of).  I uprooted my life and began running.  No, not running, searching.  Searching for others to resonate with and grow.  Searching for others not so I could ascend, but just because I enjoyed it.

After finding all eight, we ascended yet again.  The strangest had yet to come.  The pieces formed a map.  Myself and the cult leader ascended together.  Together forming the top and bottom, the black and white, the simultaneous root and branch of this map of balanced nodes.  This map was formed in such a way that I realized we never COULD find each other.  He was always searching for me and I was always eluding him.  Not by my skill but simply because the universe would not allow it.

This is the map of the pieces of the brain we were seeking in our own ways.  I ended up being the top, the crown chakra, the ether, the mysterious aqueous solar body, the other.  He ended up being the Earth, embodiment of all the elements, the raw power of the solar system without the guidance, primal in nature, destructive and creative.

While he rotted in his frustration, I began to meditate.  I realized that was just the way it was going to be.  The Earth, frustrated and always seeking, and me unable to be grasped, moving fluidly like water naturally in response to his movements. I stopped worrying and breathed deeply.  I awoke from my dream.