The beautiful ones fall in love with
And are consumed in their reflection.
But if something is wrong
--Something Beautiful in its own right--
No mirror grips
And solitude seeks outward
These damaged ones looking outward find perfection without
In the realization that the universe is the mirror of the beauty within.
Therefore, my flawed friends,
Do not despair for the disparities of life
For each one opens
You
To the truth
Of our similarities
To the truth
Of our connectedness
To the truth
Of our collective beauty
To the truth
That we are friends
To the truth
That we are
One
----
This poem is kinda dedicated to the idea that imperfections and the hatred of the person in the mirror is often the catalyst for seeking outwardly and discovering compassion. I would go so far as to say that the lack of pain impairs the capacity for compassion.
But this brings up some startling questions. If life needs drama to reconnect to the source from which it emerged, then the dark is always required, yin and yang constantly circling around each other... Unable to eliminate each other.
2013/03/31
2013/03/30
brain eating dream
So in this dream, it was common practice for people to go around and switch brains with each other. Everyone kind of had a resonant frequency in their hearts that with the right brain they could "bend" an element ala Avatar.
However, a small faction had discovered the ability to simply STEAL these aspects, destroying the other person in the process. They grew in power and destroyed many people. But it took quite a while to find the pieces that would fit together to form these perfect brains that were masters of all elements. It also took many, many failures-- each failure a life ruined. A peculiar set of things began to happen once all four elements began to align in specific individuals.
Once all four elements were in line, in my dream the whole color of the world changed for these individuals. Things in the world could also be slightly different-- tea instead of coffee, male instead of female, brown instead of green.
For every one person in this crazy cult, another person suddenly rose in consciousness. Balance, or something. I didn't understand at the time. It was kind of Heroes-style, where the cult would steal the brains and the enlightened would simply empathize with it and use that power.
So I was an enlightened individual and things were crazy. Once at that level, there were four new pieces to achieve from the brains of enlightened individuals. So the process started over again. Always this search from those cultists on top to find these individuals who had the emotional centers they needed to steal (of whom I was now one of). I uprooted my life and began running. No, not running, searching. Searching for others to resonate with and grow. Searching for others not so I could ascend, but just because I enjoyed it.
After finding all eight, we ascended yet again. The strangest had yet to come. The pieces formed a map. Myself and the cult leader ascended together. Together forming the top and bottom, the black and white, the simultaneous root and branch of this map of balanced nodes. This map was formed in such a way that I realized we never COULD find each other. He was always searching for me and I was always eluding him. Not by my skill but simply because the universe would not allow it.
This is the map of the pieces of the brain we were seeking in our own ways. I ended up being the top, the crown chakra, the ether, the mysterious aqueous solar body, the other. He ended up being the Earth, embodiment of all the elements, the raw power of the solar system without the guidance, primal in nature, destructive and creative.
While he rotted in his frustration, I began to meditate. I realized that was just the way it was going to be. The Earth, frustrated and always seeking, and me unable to be grasped, moving fluidly like water naturally in response to his movements. I stopped worrying and breathed deeply. I awoke from my dream.
However, a small faction had discovered the ability to simply STEAL these aspects, destroying the other person in the process. They grew in power and destroyed many people. But it took quite a while to find the pieces that would fit together to form these perfect brains that were masters of all elements. It also took many, many failures-- each failure a life ruined. A peculiar set of things began to happen once all four elements began to align in specific individuals.
Once all four elements were in line, in my dream the whole color of the world changed for these individuals. Things in the world could also be slightly different-- tea instead of coffee, male instead of female, brown instead of green.
For every one person in this crazy cult, another person suddenly rose in consciousness. Balance, or something. I didn't understand at the time. It was kind of Heroes-style, where the cult would steal the brains and the enlightened would simply empathize with it and use that power.
So I was an enlightened individual and things were crazy. Once at that level, there were four new pieces to achieve from the brains of enlightened individuals. So the process started over again. Always this search from those cultists on top to find these individuals who had the emotional centers they needed to steal (of whom I was now one of). I uprooted my life and began running. No, not running, searching. Searching for others to resonate with and grow. Searching for others not so I could ascend, but just because I enjoyed it.
After finding all eight, we ascended yet again. The strangest had yet to come. The pieces formed a map. Myself and the cult leader ascended together. Together forming the top and bottom, the black and white, the simultaneous root and branch of this map of balanced nodes. This map was formed in such a way that I realized we never COULD find each other. He was always searching for me and I was always eluding him. Not by my skill but simply because the universe would not allow it.
This is the map of the pieces of the brain we were seeking in our own ways. I ended up being the top, the crown chakra, the ether, the mysterious aqueous solar body, the other. He ended up being the Earth, embodiment of all the elements, the raw power of the solar system without the guidance, primal in nature, destructive and creative.
While he rotted in his frustration, I began to meditate. I realized that was just the way it was going to be. The Earth, frustrated and always seeking, and me unable to be grasped, moving fluidly like water naturally in response to his movements. I stopped worrying and breathed deeply. I awoke from my dream.
2013/03/28
mrow~
Today I carried a box of boxes with another box of boxes barely balanced on top of the boxes in the box of boxes I was hardly holding by holes I punched into the bottom of the box of boxes that held up the box of boxes that I carried.
Most people would not take the time to write about that, but my heart is open.
Most people would not take the time to write about that, but my heart is open.
2013/03/27
Genetic Memory vs Cultural Teachings
So I was sitting there at work talking to a coworker.
People were thinking about trying resurrect mammoths. You know, the big, fuzzy-elephant-like creatures that used to roam the Siberian wastes. Of course, they weren't all that waste-like back in the day. The mammoth appetites and mammoth poops (forgive the mental image conjured by "mammoth" being the adjective that shares this creature's apt name) helped make the Siberian plains hospitable as well as the whole ecosystem that surrounded the species. The bugs that fed on the dead, the plants that nourished them on the waste of the bugs, the whole world that was allowed with the fertile soil leading all the way back to the mammoth eating it. Good enough reason to try to resurrect them I guess.
But then it kinda hits you. What ABOUT all that other stuff. First off, it'd take a long time to recover that ecosystem even with the mammoths stomping and pooping the ground back into happy shape. But second off, who would teach the mammoths how to be mammoths? Is there some kind of genetic memory? Would a mammoth wake up and be like, yeah, I should go eat some of -- uhh-- that stuff looks good? Surely some of us will believe that mammoths might be like, yeah, that mammoth bitch is super mondo, I'm gonna go tap that mamma and make oxymoronic miniature mammoths which will soon be all over youtube. But my point is I am not quite sure.
Where does mysterious genetic memory end and cultural memory begin?
It's the place just past the boundary of reality. It's the place where you look around and are simultaneously sucked inward because of how terrifyingly alien it feels and pulled outward, connecting to everything via sheer and unstoppable deja vu.
It's a place I've been chilling in all day. That place so alien-- yet so staunchly familiar in ways I can't put my finger on. I feel... I feel like I've got these large portions of that inherent human nature simply missing from my heart. I sometimes feel like a mammoth walking among elephants if that makes any sense. Similar, but ... just not the same.
But whatevs~ I'll just go talk to people on the internet for now. Peace.
People were thinking about trying resurrect mammoths. You know, the big, fuzzy-elephant-like creatures that used to roam the Siberian wastes. Of course, they weren't all that waste-like back in the day. The mammoth appetites and mammoth poops (forgive the mental image conjured by "mammoth" being the adjective that shares this creature's apt name) helped make the Siberian plains hospitable as well as the whole ecosystem that surrounded the species. The bugs that fed on the dead, the plants that nourished them on the waste of the bugs, the whole world that was allowed with the fertile soil leading all the way back to the mammoth eating it. Good enough reason to try to resurrect them I guess.
But then it kinda hits you. What ABOUT all that other stuff. First off, it'd take a long time to recover that ecosystem even with the mammoths stomping and pooping the ground back into happy shape. But second off, who would teach the mammoths how to be mammoths? Is there some kind of genetic memory? Would a mammoth wake up and be like, yeah, I should go eat some of -- uhh-- that stuff looks good? Surely some of us will believe that mammoths might be like, yeah, that mammoth bitch is super mondo, I'm gonna go tap that mamma and make oxymoronic miniature mammoths which will soon be all over youtube. But my point is I am not quite sure.
Where does mysterious genetic memory end and cultural memory begin?
It's the place just past the boundary of reality. It's the place where you look around and are simultaneously sucked inward because of how terrifyingly alien it feels and pulled outward, connecting to everything via sheer and unstoppable deja vu.
It's a place I've been chilling in all day. That place so alien-- yet so staunchly familiar in ways I can't put my finger on. I feel... I feel like I've got these large portions of that inherent human nature simply missing from my heart. I sometimes feel like a mammoth walking among elephants if that makes any sense. Similar, but ... just not the same.
But whatevs~ I'll just go talk to people on the internet for now. Peace.
2013/03/25
Poof
Been listening to many parables from olden times. Many involve the Buddha or other spiritually enlightened figures helping people. One interesting coincidence I stumbled upon in my studies is that these figures just kind of SHOW UP, often just feeling like visiting that person or being drawn by the world to go there. After arriving, they do their thing and are gone in a metaphorical ninja smoke bomb well before the gravity of the lesson has sunk in.
I think that's adorable.
Writing
I was asked today if a story is of any worth without an audience?
My answer is yes.
The person wasn't happy.
My answer is yes.
The person wasn't happy.
2013/03/19
Weird day
Ok, I thought my dream was really weird last night... I was NOT ready for today.
So I went to work. Our owner randomly decided to do 20% off on online orders and sent an email to every one of our customers who use our perkville system and then disappeared for the day. Soooooo we got a lot of online orders. So many orders that we ran out of rice. We ran out of quinoa. We ran out of tortillas for burritos and wraps. We even ran out of one of our soups. One of my customers at one point said, "oh my gosh, ashley, only WE would have an adventure like this." It stuck with me. We closed like 30 minutes early. So basically, that was nuts but no problem. Not even weird.
Weird was on the way.
I went out and one of my coworkers was like, hey lets go have a smoke and eat at this burger joint. Ok. They have veggie burgers, lets go. We stop in the park and are having a smoke. Some dirty fellow comes up to us and says, "excuse me, excuse me, do you have a moment?" Always. "See I'm selling DVDs for a dollar fifty each. I recently found a little Boom Box CD player in the garbage and it runs on D batteries, so I'm saving up for batteries. I wanna listen to rock and roooooll. We scope it out and there is a DVD that Yari had wanted to see for ages, so she bought it and gave him 3 dollars. They kept exchanging back and forth with these quips that just blew my world. At one point he gave her something and she was like I can't just take that from you and he gave her a penny and said, "You can, but here: a penny for your thoughts." The conversation was long and hilarious and involved much banter that... made me think he was like the mysterious peddler from Aladdin-- recounting miraculous tales of his imprisonment and eventual release from the lamp. Because obviously the peddler IS the genie just years later trolling and/or helping people. How ELSE would he know the story AND be the owner of the lamp. Genie was the last person to carry it. Ok, I'll stop talkin' about crazy theories now. Back to story. Yari turns to me and says, "did that really just happen? Only WE would have an adventure like this."
I went to the pier to drop off a resume.
The place was awesome. They want a jack of all trades. Tips look incredible. It felt strange to be in the tourist central, but not be a tourist. Only
I went to get on the train, I look up from my thoughts and catch the eye of a girl about my age.
A tour bus stops by and says, "get on, the F is down." Oh ok. The asian man driving makes a quip about asians and/or a terrible joke every 3 seconds over intercom and plays crazy songs like "we built this city on rock and roll" or "ganman style". A girl sits next to me, I recognize her eyes from earlier. Her friend sits on her lap and comments, "we WOULD have this adventure together." After all of today, I just couldn't get over this silliness. I started to wonder if I was just hallucinating the whole thing-- if my whole day was actually just uneventful and I just made it up. Then I began to wonder: what if every day was like this? Would that require normal days? Or could every day just be crazy?
Ok yeah, that was pretty much my day. The homeless guy I usually feed with leftovers was gone, so I gave it to his cat and she sat on it, probably thinking, "what a new and adventurous place to sit. I fit .: I sit." But that was all within the realms of normal for me. But what is normal anyway.
So I went to work. Our owner randomly decided to do 20% off on online orders and sent an email to every one of our customers who use our perkville system and then disappeared for the day. Soooooo we got a lot of online orders. So many orders that we ran out of rice. We ran out of quinoa. We ran out of tortillas for burritos and wraps. We even ran out of one of our soups. One of my customers at one point said, "oh my gosh, ashley, only WE would have an adventure like this." It stuck with me. We closed like 30 minutes early. So basically, that was nuts but no problem. Not even weird.
Weird was on the way.
I went out and one of my coworkers was like, hey lets go have a smoke and eat at this burger joint. Ok. They have veggie burgers, lets go. We stop in the park and are having a smoke. Some dirty fellow comes up to us and says, "excuse me, excuse me, do you have a moment?" Always. "See I'm selling DVDs for a dollar fifty each. I recently found a little Boom Box CD player in the garbage and it runs on D batteries, so I'm saving up for batteries. I wanna listen to rock and roooooll. We scope it out and there is a DVD that Yari had wanted to see for ages, so she bought it and gave him 3 dollars. They kept exchanging back and forth with these quips that just blew my world. At one point he gave her something and she was like I can't just take that from you and he gave her a penny and said, "You can, but here: a penny for your thoughts." The conversation was long and hilarious and involved much banter that... made me think he was like the mysterious peddler from Aladdin-- recounting miraculous tales of his imprisonment and eventual release from the lamp. Because obviously the peddler IS the genie just years later trolling and/or helping people. How ELSE would he know the story AND be the owner of the lamp. Genie was the last person to carry it. Ok, I'll stop talkin' about crazy theories now. Back to story. Yari turns to me and says, "did that really just happen? Only WE would have an adventure like this."
I went to the pier to drop off a resume.
The place was awesome. They want a jack of all trades. Tips look incredible. It felt strange to be in the tourist central, but not be a tourist. Only
I went to get on the train, I look up from my thoughts and catch the eye of a girl about my age.
A tour bus stops by and says, "get on, the F is down." Oh ok. The asian man driving makes a quip about asians and/or a terrible joke every 3 seconds over intercom and plays crazy songs like "we built this city on rock and roll" or "ganman style". A girl sits next to me, I recognize her eyes from earlier. Her friend sits on her lap and comments, "we WOULD have this adventure together." After all of today, I just couldn't get over this silliness. I started to wonder if I was just hallucinating the whole thing-- if my whole day was actually just uneventful and I just made it up. Then I began to wonder: what if every day was like this? Would that require normal days? Or could every day just be crazy?
Ok yeah, that was pretty much my day. The homeless guy I usually feed with leftovers was gone, so I gave it to his cat and she sat on it, probably thinking, "what a new and adventurous place to sit. I fit .: I sit." But that was all within the realms of normal for me. But what is normal anyway.
krishna dream
This dream felt like 2 dreams but was really only one. Sorry for the confusingness, but I have to just get this down somewhere.
Dream number one was on top of a hilltop school. Travel from place to place was treacherous. I recall at the top of one tower there was an art show I had to weave my way through while not being a part of and at another tower there was a room dedicated to october with candy in it and another room where there was a performance dedicated to megaman. The details from this dream are fuzzy and I feel the meaning has been long lost.
Dream number two weighs upon me like an elephant who believes she is a cat. A Krishna shaman was going to speak at a friend's coming of age ceremony. The ceremony was going to take place at my dad's old house, so I went to visit and show my support. Alex was doing the art. The shaman had a tablecloth that doubled as a workspace that he was best known for as a public speaker. I helped to reassure him that he could speak his true tongue at this ceremony and not just canned stuff from his public speakings. He was honored and I was equally intrigued. At one point in the dream, I found myself outside and commented on the momentous weight of the night. So momentous that we had 3 full fist-sized globes of moons in the sky. It was magical. Mom was in this dream too. She had a camera and was constantly recording things only to find out that she lost the whole moment in being in her camera and lost all chance after realizing she couldn't record it anyway (magic?). I also remember going into the bathroom and being in really tight quarters in there. I vaguely remember telling one of the girls in there in embarrassment that without realizing it I'd been using the wrong restroom at this place for all my life. She then proceeded to take the most monstrously cartoonish sounding dump I've ever heard and I specifically remember Savannah laughing hysterically at the sounds. The last thing that happened before waking up was I was helping present some of the sacred materials and I picked one of them up and handed it over and looked back to find a familiar cup staring me in the face.
This cup was God. I don't know if any of my readers know this, but I've been working on a comic for some time now. It's a comic about a lone protagonist who is set with the task to roam the world frozen in a single moment in time and learn everything necessary to be the next ''god''. Every comic strip is set to give the protagonist an ''achievement'' a la a video game thing that is somehow both witty and insightful or sometimes just troll. More on that in another post if not a full preview of the work in progress. But in this comic, god is always portrayed when he/she/it shows up by a mug. In my imagination, this was a chipped "best dad ever" coffee mug, but in my dream it was... Deformed, grotesque even, yet artful. I knew INSTANTLY when looking at it that I was looking at the face of god. This shook me to my core. It was like that moment in a horror film when the full orchestra screams, "duh duh". And with that, I woke up.
It shook me. I'm still researching symbols, but ... it was weird. I had to LOOK UP Krishna not even sure if it existed this morning. Go figure it is one of the perfect incarnations of Vishnu. The whole thing was just... disturbing on a variety of different levels that I'd love to explain but I can't because I have to go to work! Love you, more later.
2013/03/18
Diamonds in the Rough
Insanity leads to chaos,
Then to solitude...
The fruitless effort of adding
Meaning to what is meaningless
A lone, Crimson tear
Falls into the sea...
The echo of the remaining star
Cries out in the infinite vacuum
The least I can do
Is send my distant prayers
Over the winds of time,
Setting sail on dreams...
----------
I didn't write that. I found it in a video game. It was just an everyday RPG for the PS1 where you play as the protagonist and traverse this world AND a world where you died as a child. Some RANDOM npc from his hometown was like, "hey, friend, I want to be a poet but I'm kinda stuck here in this little restaurant, would you listen to my poem?" I was like, lol sure! ... And then I was like, ... oh.
My point with this post is two fold.
One, you can never know what you will find where you go. Don't judge a book by its cover basically. Just because it's a character in a video game doesn't mean it won't have something crazy to share. Just because it is a waiter at a run down cafe doesn't mean it isn't a worthwhile person. This npc was a diamond in the rough. Frankly, that whole game is, but her even more so. Don't let anyone be unnoticed-- don't turn away any pile of dirt. Take in the whole world as it is and let that brilliant brain sift and sift. You'll find yourself more diamonds that way.
Two, she is a poet in the world where the protagonist lives. The story goes that there was a moment in time when the life of the main character was SO up to chance that the timeline split in two and years later, he learns to travel back and forth between the two worlds. When he lives, she is a poet. When he is dead, she's depressed. No she doesn't love him or anything! He just ... affected her. His mother being in the town affected her. Him and her friend Leena dating affected her. Her friend's husband becoming a fisherman instead of a banker due to the protagonist ALSO affected her. Every single drop in that ocean sweeping over her and creating something different. Every single drop in that ocean caused by one small event that was left to chance.
The event of the protagonist living or dying.
----
Every moment of life is a drop in the ocean. Make it good moment by moment by moment and you'll find a swelling tide of good, one drop at a time. If you can't do it for you, do it for the NPCs around you ;) They might just write a poem someday that gives purpose to all of your suffering.
Then to solitude...
The fruitless effort of adding
Meaning to what is meaningless
A lone, Crimson tear
Falls into the sea...
The echo of the remaining star
Cries out in the infinite vacuum
The least I can do
Is send my distant prayers
Over the winds of time,
Setting sail on dreams...
----------
I didn't write that. I found it in a video game. It was just an everyday RPG for the PS1 where you play as the protagonist and traverse this world AND a world where you died as a child. Some RANDOM npc from his hometown was like, "hey, friend, I want to be a poet but I'm kinda stuck here in this little restaurant, would you listen to my poem?" I was like, lol sure! ... And then I was like, ... oh.
My point with this post is two fold.
One, you can never know what you will find where you go. Don't judge a book by its cover basically. Just because it's a character in a video game doesn't mean it won't have something crazy to share. Just because it is a waiter at a run down cafe doesn't mean it isn't a worthwhile person. This npc was a diamond in the rough. Frankly, that whole game is, but her even more so. Don't let anyone be unnoticed-- don't turn away any pile of dirt. Take in the whole world as it is and let that brilliant brain sift and sift. You'll find yourself more diamonds that way.
Two, she is a poet in the world where the protagonist lives. The story goes that there was a moment in time when the life of the main character was SO up to chance that the timeline split in two and years later, he learns to travel back and forth between the two worlds. When he lives, she is a poet. When he is dead, she's depressed. No she doesn't love him or anything! He just ... affected her. His mother being in the town affected her. Him and her friend Leena dating affected her. Her friend's husband becoming a fisherman instead of a banker due to the protagonist ALSO affected her. Every single drop in that ocean sweeping over her and creating something different. Every single drop in that ocean caused by one small event that was left to chance.
The event of the protagonist living or dying.
----
Every moment of life is a drop in the ocean. Make it good moment by moment by moment and you'll find a swelling tide of good, one drop at a time. If you can't do it for you, do it for the NPCs around you ;) They might just write a poem someday that gives purpose to all of your suffering.
2013/03/17
2013/03/13
Star Trek
Yeah, I know. No one wants to hear me fan-person over Star Trek, but fuckall I'm doing it anyway.
It's amazing.
That's all.
...
...
Yeah, no, it just has such a way of it. It's constantly under heat of fire from unknown enemies and unknown terrors, yet there's always hope for tomorrow. The civilization is far enough ahead of our own that it can SO easily make jokes about our own civilization. Morality is also a common theme. What IS right? What IS the purpose of the prime directive? What IS the goal of humanity after survival is not an option?
Ok yeah, I can't start this geeking out now. I'll never stop. Til next time...
...
Engage.
It's amazing.
That's all.
...
...
Yeah, no, it just has such a way of it. It's constantly under heat of fire from unknown enemies and unknown terrors, yet there's always hope for tomorrow. The civilization is far enough ahead of our own that it can SO easily make jokes about our own civilization. Morality is also a common theme. What IS right? What IS the purpose of the prime directive? What IS the goal of humanity after survival is not an option?
Ok yeah, I can't start this geeking out now. I'll never stop. Til next time...
...
Engage.
2013/03/08
Poem: what is love?
I wrote this on my break yesterday (I know, wtf, I get BREAKS now? It's the life.)
What is love
Hidden in our chest
A root growing
Deep within the well of all being
Of compassion
For our fellow sojourners so strong
Transcending
For a moment, for an eternity
Into something else
A love for the universe
A love for thyself
Shams.
What is love
Hidden in our chest
A root growing
Deep within the well of all being
Of compassion
For our fellow sojourners so strong
Transcending
For a moment, for an eternity
Into something else
A love for the universe
A love for thyself
Shams.
Running
I reach around an unsuspecting leader. He is wearing a belt with a scabbard holding the weapon of my friend. My skills of pickpocketing have increased to the point that I can quite literally steal clothes right off people's bodies (a useful loophole to killing people for quest-specific loot), but the incredible intricacy (price) of this scabbard makes my task very difficult. I roll the dice and hope that fate shines upon me.
Fuck!
I pull back the free sword, but twist the elite soldier my direction as well.
He stares at this unknown Khajiit in shock. I look at him, then to the sword in my hand, and I book it as fast as my legs will take me. Battle cries roar out from every corner of the hideout. I use magic to hasten my feet and protect my body as I make my way out of the cave they were hiding in.
The freedom of such running is what this post was all about. Out on the plain, sprinting at impossible speeds, and the moment when I realize I am free. I look around me to the painted landscape and am alive.
This moment was a moment of video games' true artistic power. When you truly become your character, your emotions bleed into theirs and the actions become as real for you as they would be for them. The complete freedom to do as you are allows you connection to the character that ALLOWS this to happen. Even in RPGs that connect you to characters who are not yourself, your CHOICES form a bridge to their soul. Just watching you can empathize. Knowing that your choices affect them forces a bit more empathy and even brings you closer to love or even selfhood with this alien person.
Yeah. Running away is cool.
Fuck!
I pull back the free sword, but twist the elite soldier my direction as well.
He stares at this unknown Khajiit in shock. I look at him, then to the sword in my hand, and I book it as fast as my legs will take me. Battle cries roar out from every corner of the hideout. I use magic to hasten my feet and protect my body as I make my way out of the cave they were hiding in.
The freedom of such running is what this post was all about. Out on the plain, sprinting at impossible speeds, and the moment when I realize I am free. I look around me to the painted landscape and am alive.
This moment was a moment of video games' true artistic power. When you truly become your character, your emotions bleed into theirs and the actions become as real for you as they would be for them. The complete freedom to do as you are allows you connection to the character that ALLOWS this to happen. Even in RPGs that connect you to characters who are not yourself, your CHOICES form a bridge to their soul. Just watching you can empathize. Knowing that your choices affect them forces a bit more empathy and even brings you closer to love or even selfhood with this alien person.
Yeah. Running away is cool.
More Rumi
"
Advice does not help lovers!
They are not the kind of mountain stream you can build a dam across.
An intellectual doesn't know what the drunk is feeling!
Don't try to figure what those lost inside love will do next.
Life freezes if it doesn't get a taste of this almond cake of love.
The stars come up spinning every night, bewildered in love.
Without love, they'd grow tired with revolving!
They'd say, 'how long do we have to DO this?'
God picks up the reed-flute of the world and blows.
Each note is a need coming through one of us, a passion, a longing, a pain.
Remember the lips where the wind breath originated, and let your note be clear.
Don't try to end it.
Be your note
Go up on the roof at night in this city of the soul.
Let EVERYONE climb their roofs and sing.
Sing loud!
"
Yeah, I totally cried on the bus home reading this. When Rumi speaks of lovers, he's not talking about two people in love (necessarily). He's speaking of someone who is in love with their life's work. And to each their own, these passions come to us, as he said, uniquely and without thought, they just are. So don't try to rationalize, just feel it and sing. Go do whatever makes you feel happy. You are but one member in a chorus of lovers. Do not fear doing wrong. Dissonance and resolution are all part of that most natural of all melodies. Of this, I am certain.
"
In the early morning hour, just before dawn, lover and beloved wake and take a drink of water.
She asks, 'do you love me or yourself more? Really, tell the absolute truth.'
He says, 'there is nothing left of me. I am a ruby held up to the sunrise. A stone by itself, yes, but the light of the sunrise shines through it and affects the entire world around it with redness.
The ruby and the sunrise are one. The whole world is one.
My love, our closeness is this: anywhere you put your foot, feel me in the firmness under you.'
"
And then he got laid. No seriously, Rumi talks about it in great detail. Rumi may have been incredibly wise, but he was a lecherous old drunk like many men of his time and place. Thus is the world? Being stuck in between, I'm on the outside of this cosmic game. I don't desire to play (it can be quite a dreadful game), but I do desire to see what it is I'm missing-- the joy shining through the players' eyes. Other than that, I just wanted to reiterate one is all and all is one. Everything is connected. FMA, Cloud Atlas, Rumi, The Mask, no matter which way this message hits you best, find some way to realize it and hold onto that happy thought, motherfucker.
"
What was in that candle's light that opened and consumed me so quickly?
Come back, my friend!
My soul heard something from your soul.
I drank the water from your spring and felt the current take me.
"
As I was saying, hold onto that happy thought, motherfucker. It's like an impossibly real dream. It is the taste of the lips of the great reed-blower. And we are all the sugar cane that has miraculously become the reed blessed to make music.
Advice does not help lovers!
They are not the kind of mountain stream you can build a dam across.
An intellectual doesn't know what the drunk is feeling!
Don't try to figure what those lost inside love will do next.
Life freezes if it doesn't get a taste of this almond cake of love.
The stars come up spinning every night, bewildered in love.
Without love, they'd grow tired with revolving!
They'd say, 'how long do we have to DO this?'
God picks up the reed-flute of the world and blows.
Each note is a need coming through one of us, a passion, a longing, a pain.
Remember the lips where the wind breath originated, and let your note be clear.
Don't try to end it.
Be your note
Go up on the roof at night in this city of the soul.
Let EVERYONE climb their roofs and sing.
Sing loud!
"
Yeah, I totally cried on the bus home reading this. When Rumi speaks of lovers, he's not talking about two people in love (necessarily). He's speaking of someone who is in love with their life's work. And to each their own, these passions come to us, as he said, uniquely and without thought, they just are. So don't try to rationalize, just feel it and sing. Go do whatever makes you feel happy. You are but one member in a chorus of lovers. Do not fear doing wrong. Dissonance and resolution are all part of that most natural of all melodies. Of this, I am certain.
"
In the early morning hour, just before dawn, lover and beloved wake and take a drink of water.
She asks, 'do you love me or yourself more? Really, tell the absolute truth.'
He says, 'there is nothing left of me. I am a ruby held up to the sunrise. A stone by itself, yes, but the light of the sunrise shines through it and affects the entire world around it with redness.
The ruby and the sunrise are one. The whole world is one.
My love, our closeness is this: anywhere you put your foot, feel me in the firmness under you.'
"
And then he got laid. No seriously, Rumi talks about it in great detail. Rumi may have been incredibly wise, but he was a lecherous old drunk like many men of his time and place. Thus is the world? Being stuck in between, I'm on the outside of this cosmic game. I don't desire to play (it can be quite a dreadful game), but I do desire to see what it is I'm missing-- the joy shining through the players' eyes. Other than that, I just wanted to reiterate one is all and all is one. Everything is connected. FMA, Cloud Atlas, Rumi, The Mask, no matter which way this message hits you best, find some way to realize it and hold onto that happy thought, motherfucker.
"
What was in that candle's light that opened and consumed me so quickly?
Come back, my friend!
My soul heard something from your soul.
I drank the water from your spring and felt the current take me.
"
As I was saying, hold onto that happy thought, motherfucker. It's like an impossibly real dream. It is the taste of the lips of the great reed-blower. And we are all the sugar cane that has miraculously become the reed blessed to make music.
2013/03/03
Scared
Ok, I'm gonna do this:
For the first time in a long time, I am scared.
Let me begin by saying that I am well. Fuck all, I am VERY well. In my body, I feel more comfortable than I ever have. In my interpersonal life, I am blessed with more kind hearts and kindred spirits than I deserve. In my soul, I feel I have achieved a peak of spiritual being that allows me hope in even the darkest moments.
Yet I am terrified.
I am back in that dream with the bomb. I know it is going to go off soon. I am pointing at it right now. We are each and every one of us in that heavy few seconds before our lives are changed forever. I only hope that I can do as I did in my dream and make hope out of that chaos. But I am scared.
I am scared because of our economy.
In my new found discretionary time, I've been researching our economy. I want to understand this world. I want to figure out what I can do to make it better. In doing that... I see where things must go. I am scared.
Ok, ok, enough vaguities, just spit it out.
Math: if the US stopped ALL government spending, every department, every cushy govt job, every war, every research project, every meeting, and PURELY pay our unfunded liabilities like medicare, medicaid, and social security, we would still be unable to pay off our debts and obligations. Our REAL debt is well over 70 trillion. Don't listen to what you are told, go calculate that number for yourself as I have.
Stimulus programs saved us in the 80s from an inflation crisis. But back then, our debt was less than 30% of GDP. The whole thing feels like it just put a lie on what should have happened because when this lie is found out, all the other lies will bite us in the ass. We are currently doing more stimulus and it's doing just what it sounds like, injecting a small amount of adrenaline into a dying body to keep it moving. We need medicine. We need interest rates to be on par with the rate of inflation to reward saving and producing if we ever want to pay off our debts... but that causes too many problems. Could you imagine if our current practically ZERO percent interest rate jumped up to the advertised 5-8% (which is most likely more like 10-13 if we forget the BS hedonics where we weight things increasing in value like food LESS than things decreasing in value like TVs or devalue a 10% inflation if the sold item is 10% safer)? Could you imagine our national debt rising by 8% every year? That's 1 trillion dollars per year even EXCLUDING our liabilities. Truly the only way we are going to get out of this is to bankrupt (which we can't as the world's reserve currency) or simply print enough money to pay off our debts in full with gold valued at an appropriate price.
Now I can't say this for sure as our gold hasn't been audited since the 50s (at which point we had enough gold to pay off our debts for FEBRUARY ALONE), but if we printed the money to cover the debt with our gold reserves, we will devalue our currency by 98%. To put this into perspective, I want to buy a loaf of bread for 2 dollars. At today's value, two dollars is it. But devalue the currency by 98% meaning one dollar is now worth two cents. My two dollars is now worth four cents in real value. Meaning I need one hundred dollars for the loaf of bread. Granted there are now trillions more dollars in circulation, but seriously...
Upside: mortgages will be easy to pay off, debts would be erased. Downside: we'd relive what happened recently in Ghana and begin to pay with gold dust instead of worthless million dollar bills with Bush or Colbert's face on them. It's a great depression on a scale that makes it the 1% looking down on the rest of us 99%.
I do not worry about myself. I worry about the world. I worry about the powers that set in motion all of this. I like to imagine there is some monstrously intelligent evil behind it like the Illuminati. Surely they would have some kind of misconstrued REASON for all of this. Also, a dark and sinister enemy gives rise to a great and powerful force of good to fight it. I would like that in this strange world we live in. But what if it isn't. What if there is no master enemy to face? What if all of this madness is simply greed? No enemy to fight, no catharsis to be met... just chaos.
But either way... the people will have to stand up and simply live as it ought to be. Farmers, miners, producers. Construction workers, artists, philosophers. Peace workers, cooks, distributors. Friends, neighbors, lovers. No us and them. Just us. Just me. There is no difference, we are all just planet Earth. Love you all, talk to you next time.
For the first time in a long time, I am scared.
Let me begin by saying that I am well. Fuck all, I am VERY well. In my body, I feel more comfortable than I ever have. In my interpersonal life, I am blessed with more kind hearts and kindred spirits than I deserve. In my soul, I feel I have achieved a peak of spiritual being that allows me hope in even the darkest moments.
Yet I am terrified.
I am back in that dream with the bomb. I know it is going to go off soon. I am pointing at it right now. We are each and every one of us in that heavy few seconds before our lives are changed forever. I only hope that I can do as I did in my dream and make hope out of that chaos. But I am scared.
I am scared because of our economy.
In my new found discretionary time, I've been researching our economy. I want to understand this world. I want to figure out what I can do to make it better. In doing that... I see where things must go. I am scared.
Ok, ok, enough vaguities, just spit it out.
Math: if the US stopped ALL government spending, every department, every cushy govt job, every war, every research project, every meeting, and PURELY pay our unfunded liabilities like medicare, medicaid, and social security, we would still be unable to pay off our debts and obligations. Our REAL debt is well over 70 trillion. Don't listen to what you are told, go calculate that number for yourself as I have.
Stimulus programs saved us in the 80s from an inflation crisis. But back then, our debt was less than 30% of GDP. The whole thing feels like it just put a lie on what should have happened because when this lie is found out, all the other lies will bite us in the ass. We are currently doing more stimulus and it's doing just what it sounds like, injecting a small amount of adrenaline into a dying body to keep it moving. We need medicine. We need interest rates to be on par with the rate of inflation to reward saving and producing if we ever want to pay off our debts... but that causes too many problems. Could you imagine if our current practically ZERO percent interest rate jumped up to the advertised 5-8% (which is most likely more like 10-13 if we forget the BS hedonics where we weight things increasing in value like food LESS than things decreasing in value like TVs or devalue a 10% inflation if the sold item is 10% safer)? Could you imagine our national debt rising by 8% every year? That's 1 trillion dollars per year even EXCLUDING our liabilities. Truly the only way we are going to get out of this is to bankrupt (which we can't as the world's reserve currency) or simply print enough money to pay off our debts in full with gold valued at an appropriate price.
Now I can't say this for sure as our gold hasn't been audited since the 50s (at which point we had enough gold to pay off our debts for FEBRUARY ALONE), but if we printed the money to cover the debt with our gold reserves, we will devalue our currency by 98%. To put this into perspective, I want to buy a loaf of bread for 2 dollars. At today's value, two dollars is it. But devalue the currency by 98% meaning one dollar is now worth two cents. My two dollars is now worth four cents in real value. Meaning I need one hundred dollars for the loaf of bread. Granted there are now trillions more dollars in circulation, but seriously...
Upside: mortgages will be easy to pay off, debts would be erased. Downside: we'd relive what happened recently in Ghana and begin to pay with gold dust instead of worthless million dollar bills with Bush or Colbert's face on them. It's a great depression on a scale that makes it the 1% looking down on the rest of us 99%.
I do not worry about myself. I worry about the world. I worry about the powers that set in motion all of this. I like to imagine there is some monstrously intelligent evil behind it like the Illuminati. Surely they would have some kind of misconstrued REASON for all of this. Also, a dark and sinister enemy gives rise to a great and powerful force of good to fight it. I would like that in this strange world we live in. But what if it isn't. What if there is no master enemy to face? What if all of this madness is simply greed? No enemy to fight, no catharsis to be met... just chaos.
But either way... the people will have to stand up and simply live as it ought to be. Farmers, miners, producers. Construction workers, artists, philosophers. Peace workers, cooks, distributors. Friends, neighbors, lovers. No us and them. Just us. Just me. There is no difference, we are all just planet Earth. Love you all, talk to you next time.
2013/03/02
freedom
Was talking to a lovely young person today. Had a fun conversation. Sharing. Have altered this person's name as well... I also heavily edited this person's grammar and spelling. They are from Canada, give 'em a break ;)
In case ya'all don't know, olin is my online screen name. It's a day from the Aztec calendar-- the day AFTER the apocalypse when mankind has to pick up the pieces of its shattered self and decide how to move on again. Sora is from Kingdom Hearts
In case ya'all don't know, olin is my online screen name. It's a day from the Aztec calendar-- the day AFTER the apocalypse when mankind has to pick up the pieces of its shattered self and decide how to move on again. Sora is from Kingdom Hearts
[Sora] this song reminds me of before
transition
[Sora] like
[olin] show meeeee~
[Sora] feeling and mentally
being male kinda
[olin] I loved the last song you showed
me
[Sora] and like...talking to
myself and being really split...like the male and female warring
inside
[Sora] kinda felt like a fight
to the death that ended up in marriage
[Sora] http://www.youtube.com/w
··· srz8eZsI
[Sora] here ya go
[olin] hehe. I dunno, from what I know of you it seems like more of a hostile takeover.
[Sora] yes...hell of a violent
one actually
[Sora] see in life there are 3
spirituals transformations
[Sora] at first the strong
camel that wants to bear the weight of the world...and enjoys the
orders to work
[Sora] then you become a
lion...to kill a golden dragon that calls itself god..who by offering
a universe to you, simply makes you a slave, and small.
[Sora] see the lion taking on the world with its strength isnt the
end point
[Sora] all it does it make the
potential for freedom, not freedom itself
[Sora] want to know what the
greatest and mightiest spiritual state you can reach after this
violent stage
[olin] self immolation?
[olin] phoenix?
[Sora] to be a child again. and
to create your own universe moment to moment. Free from the
perversion that is the division that is good and evil.
[olin] ah
[olin] so true
[Sora] so olin
[Sora] Hows your golden dragon
doing
[Sora] all killing it will
do...is make potential
[olin] like most other things in my
world, ablaze with the fires of growth.
[Sora] the freedom to be free
[Sora] a chance, to have a
chance
[olin] but that fucker is
still alive, I think
[olin] but burning. In part thanks to
you~
[Sora] then become the
apocalyptic lion.
[Sora] change is painful,
uncomfortable..and devastating
[Sora] its the one thing the
christians got right
[Sora] your agoony is a sighn
that your on the right track
[olin] amen~
[Sora] dont become an animal
again
[Sora] animals seek out safe
and quiet worlds to live in
[Sora] to fall into routine and
simply exist without threats
[olin] that's death
[Sora] exacly
[Sora] spiritually and mentally
[olin] life without growth-- without
change-- is not living
[Sora] see it is danger,
threat, pain, need and want.
[Sora] these are things that
are used to break the fate within our very bodies
[Sora] that curse we call DNA
with it burning need to procreate and exist.
[Sora] if you can overcome that
[Sora] and make your own
purpose than this one you were made for
[Sora] only then can you really claim to
be more than an animal
It's awesome. She's awesome. Lots of interesting conversations lately. :)
In other news, I'm officially a SUPER moderator now on the site I found her at. It's exciting. I got "training" for it which was basically a Kobiyashi Maru test where my trainer pretended to be a VERY troubled, suicidal, homicidal (I almost typed homic-icicle), and excessively medicated member and I did my best to help her. Apparently, I had perfect marks save for one: I wasn't able to recognize that she was from Argentina based on the way she swore. I did find out her location based on pinging her IP, but I could have confirmed her location faster if I'd known that.
life theory
Here is an excerpt from an email conversation I had with a great friend. For what it is worth (all the like 3 people from the US and the 4 people across Sweden and Spain who apparently are reading this blog for some reason), I've replaced the names with fictional characters.
"
Finn the Human: This
one is a life theory. We have a theory that the world that we live in
is where you go if you committed suicide in the world above; a place
where you get a second chance. [Me and Jake] committed suicide in
a past life (along with many others) and are here to live a life
worth living, to live a life that makes a difference. Not everyone is
real, some are just projections to make things more difficult or to
help us on the way, like in multi-player video games, not everyone on
screen is a player. Some of the projections are based off of our past
lives and some are of new creation. We are the lucky few who get a
second chance to have a story to be told. That is our theory
Me: I
LOVE it. The only thing I wonder... what is the world above like?
Finn the Human: What
is the adventure for if you already know what's in the treasure
chest?
"
Uhh, yeah. So I'm officially blown away. That's awesome and I thought I'd share. Another post is in the workings at this moment... wanted to post it, but still need to refine it. I don't know how to say what I know I need to say about the upcoming financial situation of this country.
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