When I was younger, I gave up hope on a lot of things. I gave up hope even that I could find meaning in my life as an individual. I believed this so surely that I chose to live a life as much for others as I could. Teaching, giving, my aloof and let-it-be qualities are all a consequence of that most self-deprecating belief. I decided that I was a being without purpose-- that since I could never have a life of my own, my actions were simply positive and negative on a cosmic balance sheet of zero, completely outside the bounds of fate. I dedicated my life for good.
And now that I am growing older, I have come to realize that even these things that caused me to think that way all happened to make me into the person I am proud to say that I am. I would not be the person I am today had they not been the way they were. My life is a culmination of events and circumstances that make me the person that I am today. I am not a fateless soul who can help others without consequence as I once believed. I am a person at last in my own eyes. That changes everything.
As I move forward in my life, I seek now to give back so much more. Not for others, but for me. I seek to give now not because I feel that I don't deserve anything for myself, but because my life has forged me into a person who gains when they give. This would not necessarily be without my life exactly as it has been.
To wrap up this quick post, I was wrong. I am a person. I am here for a reason and I want to discover and deliver on that purpose as much as anyone else out there. And life? And life! It has never felt so good to be alive.