First off, I haven't blogged in a while because I have been playing mass effect 3 multiplayer religiously. That game is so fun. Anyway.
Despite what many believe about my beliefs, I do not believe in a cosmic justice. Karma, heaven, any reward system of supernatural design, I cannot bring myself to believe in any of them. What I do believe is this: when I choose to go out and make someone's life better or choose to go do 'the right thing', I simply know in my heart that someone is doing the right thing. From experience, that also let's me know that someone is watching or experiencing those good deeds. From experience, that further ensures me that there is the chance those observers may pay it forward (if you will excuse the movie reference).
I can only hope for a further joy after death for being good or whatever, but that is not my reason for doing good. My reason for doing good is that in doing good I am making the world in the image of how I wish it to be. I do not expect anyone to have that same view or expect that my views will ever come to full fruition, yet I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that the way I want the world to be is seen by others through my actions and through my actions the world is changed into what I want it to be. This may be a nigh infinitesimally small change, yet it is more than enough to bring me joy in my waking life.
Technically this makes me a nihilist, but the term is somehow wrong sounding given the circumstances of my philosophy of life. No definition by nature, no word or description accurately grasps any individual in perfect clarity. I have made peace with not describing myself in a word. Therefore I will simply leave off with one last statement (for today).
"Roar, oh lion of my heart, and tear me open. Smash the cup in which I carry around the river. Smash my cup so that the water I carry may become one with the river which will flow back to the source. Roar, oh lion of my heart, tear me open so that I may experience being one with the whole of the cosmos."