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Dream moods

When I dream, my perspectives on the world change.  The same is true with experiences in my waking life, but in dreams, everything is so condensed.  I live whole worlds at a time at night.  Relative to the time we perceive as wakeful humans, I am changed very drastically over the course of a single night.  This same phenomenon happened to me last night.  The strange thing about this one was that I can hardly remember what caused these changes.  I only hold fragments of the portrait, yet the effect of the whole canvas weighs on me like a mountain.  

I remember 3 things from last night.  I remember being at a pool party with my family and taking off my clothes as an act of defiance.  I remember being on a castle cliff side with Sean Bean and him showing me the most beautiful and transforming sunrise I have ever seen.  And lastly I remember becoming lucid and flying out towards the sunset only to notice the tether leading back to my body-- only my body was not back on the cliff with Sean Bean, it was somewhere else.

After the dream, I suddenly feel compelled to take milk and egg out of my diet while eating more fish.  I am compelled to quit smoking.  I am also compelled to watch the sunrise every morning.  I have taken my sunset watching out of my daily routine and my body is missing it.  That is the thing with these changes.  They aren't things I want to change about myself, they are things that want to happen all on their own.  I will be the first to say that I am terrible at forcing changes in my habits but this-- this simply wants to be.  So I think it will if I put my energy in that direction.  

I can't really describe it.  I feel as if something important has happened to me.  Yet it has come in one of the silliest forms imaginable.  I can understand being transformed by one of my more in-depth, complete-world dreams, but this...  I ain't complainin'.  I feel the light of that sunrise bursting forth from my chest and that kind of joy is just too awesome to question.  

1 comment:

  1. I've been wanting to make some comments here for a while, but I've always allowed myself to clam up and sulk away instead because it's very, very often I'm not sure what to say with you.

    Your use of words tend to leave me, not confused, but.. regretting the fact that I do not - at the best of times - understand half the time. I did however grasp something from this that I felt rather similar to things I've been feeling lately.

    Your comment of the fact that the feelings of wanting to change things, is not simply due to wanting to change, but simply because somehow, either physically, mentally, or spiritually you [i]want[/i] to do it. I know that feeling, that feeling of all of a sudden one day going from something that's daily routine.. and the next just literally abolished from the state of mind you're used to.

    That's literally what happened to me with smoking, 15 days free today.. and I can't even really I say it was because I wanted to quit. I just did.. exactly how is the easiest part to explain. I remember it was a Friday morning two weeks ago, I went into work and with me had my last pack of smokes that had maybe.. 3 smokes and a couple half butts. I had no money, I was broke until the following Thursday. To the two women I worked with that day I told them, as my witnesses, once this pack is gone.. I no longer smoke. And it was so. By the following morning, I for some reason literally had no craving to smoke, no urge to. I could freely think about them (and still do) and if I want one or not, and my mind always comes back with a definitive, "no".

    I also.. mimic you entirely when you feel that something has happened to you. Literally your entire last paragraph I can relate exactly, in the last week. Ever since Tuesday happened to me, I've had a fire inside me that burned so hot, it still goes today. It's driven me to do things, and be somebody I've never been before.

    I love this post, I really do. Besides the Sean Bean.. and your want of defiance, I feel everything here. As if something literally just ticked inside and turned something on, while turning something outdated.. off.