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Hearthstone hijinks 3

Today has been quite the day for rogue-ing on Hearthstone.  I had a quest to win 5 times as rogue or warrior and to heck with that guy, so bam.  Tons of rogue I otherwise wouldn't have played if I had the choice.  Let's go make fun of my childhood:

Login: ValeeraVentris101
Password: ********
Cycle: 10024 
Day: 6
Mood: sexually frustrated
Music: Azerothean Anarchists-- Weephammer

Ever since the thieves guild in Gadgetzan known as Sith Club kicked me out, things have been hard.  It's been a tough week, but I've cut down worse.  Taking bounties is an awkward business these days.  Especially when it means fighting for a cause I never even asked about.  People... <italics>sigh</italics> people never change.  Always flinging rumors and lies.  What kind of dogs will be after me for whatever today's fun is interpreted as?  One day they are bowing at my heels-- and the next, on a witch hunt for me.  All factions are the same.  Can't live with them, but I think I could live without them ... Yes.  Note to self, say that next time I meet Thrall.

Today, I tangod with the prince of all Stormwind himself on what felt like a borders dispute.  I don't know what I was fighting for, all I cared about was that someone paid me good money to claim that boy for whoever the fuck.  One step closer to completing my official SasuNaru collection.  But I must remember not to let my goal distract me.

I appeared from the shadows and whispered in his ear, "Come now, boy, I think I'll enjoy myself more than I bargained for with you here.  The pleasure, is mine."

It felt good to stop him in his tracks like that.  His poor cleric was dead in her tracks too.  The beautiful little thing lives to inspire and be inspired.  Useless, she has no place on this battlefield.  I called in my Defias boys, but his reflexes were quick.  Before I could get bored and start clicking shit, he smited the leader and healed her up after she took care of the other.  

"...Greetings," were the only words he muttered after mugging my muggers.  His awkward tone was barbed with bits of confidence that enraged me.

Such a taunt, such a sickening play to make me feel weak.  I couldn't contain myself.  In a dance of whirling steel, I destroyed my first set of poisoned blades, sending shrapnel exploding everywhere.  I watched the cleric fall lifelessly to the ground.  It was beautiful.  I then called my bird to drop my assassin's blade and things got personal.  I charged forward screaming and slashing a gash right through his priestly garb.  He can dress up like a holy man all he wants, but all men are the same filth once you get their clothes off.

Anduin's momentum pleasantly surprised me.  He sent out some powerful minions for a clothie, but I trickled out my forces slowly to match him as I continued my endless assault on his face.  I may not have been doing much damage, but the pressure was on.  He had to do something big quick and I hate to admit it, but he did.

The momentum ran out and he was left with an ardent squire.  I was caught up in the moment.  I might have pushed him too far with what I said, "All you've got is that little baby left!  Well... To be fair, I guess you got two little things left."  I held my fingers up with a guess and continued to pester him: "this big?  THIS big?  Oh?  Oh... ;)"

Must've hit a nerve because he dropped a light elemental and doubled its stamina which doubled its attack and size.  Overcompensating much?  So typical.  I called in Vinny.  He's an unsightly drunken gnome, but his poison might be the most deadly stuff in existence.  I would just use the poison myself and avoid him at all costs, but I can't work the poison and he prefers to take jobs in person.  Some power fantasy or something.  "You lookin' at me, princess?"

"Vinny, you are supposed to be stealthed.  There is a 10/10 light demon right there and even though you don't get outside much, I don't think even your beer belly is white enough to reflect him."

Vinny remained defiantly atop the Orcen rubble, "Well nice to see you too, sweetheart?"  He looked to Anduin.  "You show a girl a good time and this is how she returns the fava'?  Unbelievable."

His silhouette faded into the shadow as he abandoned his rubble throne.  I had never felt so embarrassed in battle, but more than my pride was about to be hit.  Just being near that light elemental was searing.  When it tried to slam me, the only thing that saved me was ducking into the shade of the remains of a building that was recently hit by a catapult and popping my racial just at the right moment. 

While I was busy dodging his elemental, he summoned and buffed another one, but I had been preparing.  This was Gerald's cue.  I mentioned him in a previous post while on my hiatus in Booty Bay.  He is the one who wears weird clothes so people pick fights with him so he can beat them up.  Not the sharpest knife on my belt, but his silence has shattered the momentum of many legendary-toting assholes in the past.  Gerald blazed down from the sky as Vinny made the dream real.  As the fat gnome incinerated himself in fiery bliss after diving head first into the elemental, his poison activated and burst the creature like a bubble.  

RIP Vinny.  I am so sorry I doubted that you could poison a creature made of light itself.  You were still a creep though.  

So on one side of me was an explosion and on the other, Gerald had given his elemental a seizure.  These beings have combat prowess equal to their health, but when silenced, I think they forget who they are.  They just stand there with tons of health and twitch infrequently.  "Well played, vile woman, but the light shall burn you yet!"

Anduin had been pincering me into a trap through all of that though.  I may have taken out his elementals, but he had pushed the skirmish towards his War Golem.  I sapped it to buy some time for my Venture Company boy to arrive.  The three of us wailed on Anduin.  I have to hand it to the goblin mercenary, his professionalism is a dream to work with.  Anduin managed to summoned a poisonous snake in the chaos and sent the Golem after ME.  I have seen some cocky moves, but this one took the cake.  

The boulder swung its massive arms.  They hit nothing but old building.  Even still, the flying debris from that massive force were enough to knock the wind out of me.  With its hands buried in the earth, I lost it.  "YOU want to intimidate ME into attacking YOUR minion?  I don't think you realize who you are facing up against!  I will be your doom!"

Using the golem as the stepping stone he was destined to be, I pounced into Anduin with everything I had.  Gerald and the mercenary were enough to bloody his pretty little face before I got there and Anduin wasn't even expecting a sinister strike and a head crack to follow my dagger blows.  My legs, hands, and voice were visibly shaking with intensity as I stood over him. "I REALLY appreciate your spirit, boy, but you don't realize you can send him right back on me and I just won't care.  That boulder is a long way from taking me down and I will keep coming for you again and again.  Frankly, I don't think you can 'keep it up' for much longer.

The pop of my lips on my Ps visibly staggered him with an alacrity my blades could never achieve.  However, there was something about his acceptance of his error and the valiant protest to my will that got underneath my skin.  Most men are too distracted by their ego, but Anduin was so pure, fluid, defiant.  I admit it.  While I was most assuredly turned on at the time, I do not feel anything for him now.  Nothing.  Comments on the subject will be deleted, hacked, and assassinated by me personally.

He wisely sent his golem to fight my mercenary and Gerald worked away at the snake (I hope Gerald got poisoned.  I really do).  It was just me and Anduin alone again.  I chased him down the hall hailing flurries of blows.  All he had was some healing, but it was enough to set me back a turn or two.  Much to my pleasure, it was then that Bloodmage Thanlos found his way to the battle.  Magic has always been a dark side of mine and this Mage compliments my magic well.  The shadows weaved around me as I unleashed a three pronged attack on him.  One shadow shived his gut, he doubled over right into another shadow kicking him in the face, and my body followed with my daggers and the head crack again.  Empowered by my friend, Anduin's barely conscious body crumpled to the floor.

"Aww, did I break your pretty little smile with that last shot?"  A whimpered groan communicated that he could hear me, so I twisted the dagger of my words.  "Don't worry, I'll always love you.  Well played, boy.  I don't know if that was as good for you as it was for me, but whatever it was, we should do it again sometime."

"Fool.  You don't even know what you are fighting for," he spat blood and found his way to his hands and knees.  "I'm sorry.  You may be an excellent fighter, but if you continue to give into your anger and your carnal desires at a whim, all your winning might just cause all of us, including you, to lose."

"I'm not a Sith Club anymore, Anduin.  All of that serious, end of the world business is out of my resume."

"Tell me how much harder that will make it for the Sith Club to control your actions."

I smirked, "Sarcasm?  Cute."  I felt my anger settle into my face.  "But you're right.  We are NOT allies, yet if you do notice the Sith Club planning anything, you contact me personally.  I have some backtracking and spying on my past employers to do."

Anduin started to rouse himself to his feet as the sight owls began perching nearby.  His image changed near them, "You're right.  I think Old Bishop Wan and I wouldn't fare well working with you either... You smell.  It's hard to explain to the people we usually work with.  You understand."

Truly, I didn't know whether to be insulted or laugh my ass off.  That boy is so awkward and young, but that sarcasm and feistiness is commendable, especially after such a bitter defeat.  The eternal dark cradled me and I shadow stepped away, pretending not to hear his last words.  With one last look back, I saw him smile.  Looking down and shaking his head, he was half glowing in light, half consumed by darkness.  What a mysterious individual.


Absolutely no comments on the matter of me and Anduin, please.  I don't want to have to spend an afternoon deleting comments again.  

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